“Help me understand…”
- 🥊 Official Guide for Fighting with Your Partner
Start Here
- When someone has a big reaction to something that seems small to you, try saying, “help me to understand…” instead of arguing with them
- Big reactions most often have roots in memories of painful experiences.
- Often a big reaction or overreaction is a response from insecurity. That’s why responding to them with empathy first is essential. What they’ve not reasoned into, they won’t be able to reasoned out of.
Talking Points
- I can see you’re upset and I really want to understand what’s happened. Can you help me understand your reaction to <xyz>?
- <LISTEN>
- Thank you for sharing that with me. That context helps me understand why you felt that way and I will be more careful about <zyx>.
- I was a little taken aback by your reaction but now that you’ve explained, it makes a lot more sense. I hope you know that I would never intentionally hurt you or make you uncomfortable.
Further Reading
