Start Here

• When someone has a big reaction to something that seems small to you, try saying, “help me to understand…” instead of arguing with them
• Big reactions most often have roots in memories of painful experiences.
• Often a big reaction or overreaction is a response from insecurity. That’s why responding to them with empathy first is essential. What they’ve not reasoned into, they won’t be able to reasoned out of.

Talking Points

• I can see you’re upset and I really want to understand what’s happened. Can you help me understand your reaction to <xyz>?
• <LISTEN>
• Thank you for sharing that with me. That context helps me understand why you felt that way and I will be more careful about <zyx>.
• I was a little taken aback by your reaction but now that you’ve explained, it makes a lot more sense. I hope you know that I would never intentionally hurt you or make you uncomfortable.

Further Reading