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How to accept a job offer
Thank you so much for this opportunity!I look forward to working with you and meeting the rest of the team.I’m excited to geek out with you guys on all the great work we can do. See also:
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How to ask for feedback
“To become more effective and fulfilled at work, people need a keen understanding of their impact on others and the extent to which they achieve their goals in their working relationships. Direct feedback is the most efficient way for them to gather this information and learn from it.”– Ed Batista “Criticism may not be agreeable, […]
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How to ask for participation in a survey
Talking Points Email – Encourage Customers to Participate (Personal Reach-out) 👋🏼 Dear <NAME>, I’m writing to encourage you to participate in our latest Customer Experience Survey. You received an invitation to participate in our survey on <DATE>, and it would mean the world to us if you took five minutes to provide your feedback. We […]
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How to disagree (respectfully) with your boss’s feedback
One of the hardest lessons to learn in life is not to automatically accept everyone’s feedback. People will always have opinions and unsolicited feedback to share with you. Even with all the best intentions in the world, someone can lack the context or expertise to give you good advice. You would be surprised how many […]
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How to give feedback
Use this guide whenever you need to give feedback to someone. The performance reviews list below is a great source of inspiration for highlighting performance and personality specifics. “Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots.” – Frank A. Clark Start Here See also: Talking Points Sources: […]
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How to thank someone for their time
“Thank you so much for your time earlier today.” “I know you’re extremely busy, and I truly appreciate you sharing your time and perspective with me.” “I am so grateful for your time.” Talking Points Name Tags Do you have to train to be so amazing? Because you are definitely the best friend anyone could […]
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How to thank someone for being there
Name Tags Multi-select Do you have to train to be so amazing? Because you are definitely the best friend anyone could ask for! Compliment Quirky Friend Have a drink on me. Quirky General How did I get so lucky? I’m so grateful you choose to be with me. Love Partner How did you become so […]
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How to thank someone for a service or kindness
Start Here Talking Points A Big Freaking List of “Thank You”s Name Tags Multi-select Do you have to train to be so amazing? Because you are definitely the best friend anyone could ask for! Compliment Quirky Friend Have a drink on me. Quirky General How did I get so lucky? I’m so grateful you choose […]
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How to thank someone for a recommendation
Always be sure to thank someone if they give you a recommendation. It’s an extremely lovely thing to do as they are putting their name and personal brand on the line for your benefit. All the risk is theirs, and all the benefit is yours. If you have any “home training” at all, you’ll remember […]
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How to thank someone for a donation
“Thank you for your generous gift.” “Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver.” — Barbara De Angelis Congratulations! You find yourself in the enviable position of thanking someone for giving you (or something you care about) money. That’s pretty […]
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How to thank someone
See also: “[He was aware] of the value of the word of praise dropped at exactly the right moment; and he would have thought himself extremely stupid to withhold what cost him so little and was productive of such desirable results.” ― Georgette Heyer, Sylvester“At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by […]
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How to say I love you (partner)
You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how. — Gone With The Wind by Margaret Mitchell You are my heart, my life, my one and only thought.— The White Company by Arthur Conan Doyle When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. […]
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How to confess your love
“I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone forever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even […]
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How to recommend someone you don’t like or respect
Use this messaging if you find yourself in a position where someone you don’t like/respect is asking you to give them a recommendation. You can also use this guide if someone asks you about someone you don’t like. Here’s how to navigate those tricky scenarios. Start Here YOU ARE NOT OBLIGATED TO GIVE ANYONE A […]
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How to recommend someone you don’t know
“I must refer you to himself for his character.” See also: Benjamin Franklin wrote the following recommendation from France for an acquaintance about to sail to America. Benjamin Franklin wrote the following recommendation from France for an acquaintance about to sail to America. Benjamin Franklin’s Letter of Recommendation Paris, April 2, 1777 Sir The Bearer […]
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How to make someone feel awkward about religion
From “Lifemanship: Or the Art of Getting Away With It Without Being An Absolute Plonk,” by Stephen Potter, 1950 Elsa: Are you coming to church with us?Moulton: Yes, why don’t you come to church for once, you old sinner? It is a little country church, and my host, Moulton, who has some claims to be […]
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How to make an ass of yourself
“But masters, remember that I am an ass: though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass.” — Dogberry in Much Ado About Nothing by William Shakespeare Start Here Talking Points Different ways to say “I’m an ass” Name It’s not my place but… I probably shouldn’t say anything but… […]
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How to talk like a Southerner
“Hey! I haven’t seen you in a month of Sundays! How have you been?”“Lord, child, if I told you how I’ve been you’d smack the undertaker for sending me back.”“Sounds like you haven’t been sure whether you should scratch your watch or wind your butt. Some things never change.”“I tell you what, the only things […]
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Stuck at home? I got you, boo
Are you stuck at home for any of the following reasons? Feel better. Take care. There there. Take cover. Do the right thing. Aim for the head. Keep warm. Rest up. Hang in there. Save up. Breathe. Whatever the reason for your confinement, dear heart, we’ve got you covered with this mega list of things […]
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How to announce you’re leaving a job
Start Here 📢 We ALLLL daydream about that Jerry Maguire moment when we finally get to tell our boss where to go, hop onto the nearest desk, and scream at your colleagues: “WHOSE WITH ME??!!” But back here in the real world, it’s never a good idea to leave on bad terms (no matter how […]
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How to resign
When to know it’s time to resign Letter Example 🖊️ Dear <Name>, Please accept this letter as formal notification that I am resigning from my position as <title> at <company>. My last day will be <date>. Thank you for the opportunities for growth that you have provided me. I wish you and the company all […]
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How to call in sick
Start Here Talking Points Excerpt from A Guide to Calling in Sick, US News: What Your Boss Is Allowed to Ask Your boss’s natural reaction may be to ask what is wrong, but you are under no obligation to provide details of your illness. Many times, employers ask partly out of concern for your well-being […]
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Official Guide for Fighting with Your Partner
See also Start Here Fighting Rules 💡 Pro-tip: Instead of saying, “you did x,” try “the story I’m telling myself is…” This is an effective way to avoid putting words and thoughts into your partner’s head. Further Reading
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How to turn down a request to do free work
Your Aunt Carletta: Would you mind writing my book for me since you do that for a living and you’re good at that kind of stuff?You: No. Start Here Talking Points
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How to turn down a date
“I’d rather be aware of the ugly truth than have somebody be with me out of pity.” — Reddit User on r/DatingAdvice“Every broken heart has screamed at one time or another: Why can’t you see who I truly am?” ― Shannon L. Alder“Better to put your heart on the line, risk everything, and walk away […]
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How to thank someone for a gift
Name Tags Multi-select Do you have to train to be so amazing? Because you are definitely the best friend anyone could ask for! ComplimentQuirky Friend Have a drink on me. Quirky General How did I get so lucky? I’m so grateful you choose to be with me. Love Partner How did you become so wise? […]
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How to tell someone you are angry
“I’m upset right now and need a minute to calm down.”“I love you, but I’m angry with you right now.” See also Start Here Talking Points – I’m Mad Talking Points – I Need Space/Time to Think Further Reading
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How to tell someone they will not be your Bridesmaid, Groomsman, Maid of Honor or Best Man
Start Here ⚠️ This interaction should be done in person for the best results. Talking Points Common reasons/explanations Someone Else to Fill the Role Small Wedding No Maid of Honor/Best Man/Bridesmaids She is Going to Be Pregnant and You Don’t Want Her Belly in Your Wedding Photos 🤰🏽Dude. Listen, you shouldn’t bring up her pregnancy. […]
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How to set boundaries with a partner
“You’ve got to tell the world how to treat you. If the world tells you how you are going to be treated, you are in trouble.” — James Baldwin See also Start Here Talking Points Boundary-Drawing Statements Name Tags <X> is a strong boundary that I’m not comfortable crossing, but <Y> is is something I […]
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How to respond to gaslighting
“Maybe that’s what you heard in your head, but it’s not what I said.”“You’re too sensitive.”“It’s not a big deal.” See also Start Here What does gaslighting feel like? (Source: The Psychology Group) What does gaslighting sound like? (Source: The Psychology Group) Talking Points Further Reading
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How to request an interview
Follow-Up Email to a Contact
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How to give someone a backhanded compliment
Backhanded Compliment – A compliment that implies it is not really a compliment at all. See also: Backhanded compliments sources: The Typeset A List of Backhanded Compliments Backhanded Compliment You look so much nicer than usual! You look comfortable. Oh what a lovely sweater. My grandma has one just like it. You’re so lucky you’re […]
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How to encourage someone to answer your question instead of saying, “I don’t know”
There are times in confrontations and confessions when the other person is unwilling to acknowledge an obvious truth. Some things are hard to say aloud. These talking points are not designed to interrogate or manipulate, they are designed to create a safe environment for everyone to be able to accept and be their full selves […]
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How to decline a request for money
“Can you loan me a hundred bucks?”“I’m really struggling financially. You’ve always been there for me. Can you give me enough to cover my rent?”“Is there any way you could spot me some cash? I don’t need much.”“My kid only needs a few more orders for her scout competition…” Very few things in life are […]
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How to complain to your waiter
“I’m afraid to tell you…”“I know this isn’t your fault, but…”“I’m sorry to say this but I was not satisfied with the veal. It was undercooked.” See also: Start Here Talking Points Further Reading
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How to call someone out respectfully
Start Here See also: Talking Points I wanted to take the time to reply to your email thoughtfully and with care as I know your heart and intentions are good. Many wonderful friends have loved me enough to coach me on tricky topics (like <topic>) so that I can see new perspectives and represent myself […]
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How to break up with your friend
See also Start Here Talking Points Further Reading I recommend reading Dr. Falconer’s book on this topic. I don’t agree with everything she suggests, but I think she covers many essential points for anyone who finds themselves in this situation: How to Break Up with Your Friends: Finding Meaning, Connection, and Boundaries in Modern Friendships […]
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How to break up with someone
Example Breakup Text – Before it’s Serious Example Breakup Text – Before it’s Serious Breakup After it Got Serious Further Reading
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How to ask your partner for couple’s therapy
“Behind every great relationship are difficult and uncomfortable conversations we rarely get to see. Great relationships don’t just fall into our laps. They require people to move through their fears and insecurities and do the hard work to move wounds into healing.” — Vienna Pharaon, licensed Marriage and Family Therapist See also Start Here Talking […]
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How to ask someone to stop talking about politics or religion around you
Countless holidays and relationships have been ruined over disregarded boundaries and the inability to express what we all want at the end of the day: harmony. See also Start Here Talking Points Further Reading
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How to ask someone about suspicious behavior without accusing them of it
See also Start Here Talking Points
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How to ask for the return of an object (loaned)
See also Talking Points
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How to ask for the return of an object (intentionally taken)
👉 Tips: Talking Points Further Reading
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How to ask for space
Start Here Talking Points Further Reading
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How to ask for a divorce
“This isn’t working for me anymore.”“I’m unhappy.”“It’s time we fight for our happiness.” Start Here Talking Points What to Discuss After the Initial Divorce Conversation After initially speaking with your spouse, you should plan on later discussing: Source: Love to Know Further Reading
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Comfort
A Big Freaking List of Comforting Statements Name Tags I see how upset you are, and I’m sorry to see you struggle. Acknowledgment You have every right to feel the way you do. Acknowledgment I can’t imagine how you must feel. Acknowledgment It’s okay to be sad. Acknowledgment Everything you feel is totally understandable. Acknowledgment […]
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How to respond when you think someone is overreacting
“Help me understand…” Start Here Talking Points Further Reading
A Big Freaking List of Comforting Statements
| Name | Tags |
|---|---|
| I see how upset you are, and I’m sorry to see you struggle. | Acknowledgment |
| You have every right to feel the way you do. | Acknowledgment |
| I can’t imagine how you must feel. | Acknowledgment |
| It’s okay to be sad. | Acknowledgment |
| Everything you feel is totally understandable. | Acknowledgment |
| You’re doing everything you need to do. Sometimes, just taking it hour by hour is enough. This is one of those times. | Acknowledgment |
| I know you don’t feel it right now, but you will feel better eventually. | Reassure |
| You are so loved. | Reassure |
| You are stronger than you know. | Reassure |
| I’ve got you, boo. | Reassure |
| I’ve got your back. | Reassure |
| I think it’s brave that you get up every day despite knowing how hard it is. Thank you for not giving up. | Reassure |
| You can handle this, especially if you take it one step at a time. | Reassure |
| You have a 100 percent track record for getting through tough days. | Reassure |
| Feelings are not facts and not all thoughts are true. | Reassure |
| This too shall pass. | Reassure |
| You can and will get through this. | Reassure |
| If it’s out of your hands, it should be free from your mind too. | Reassure |
| I’m here to feel with you and let you know you’re not alone. | Reassure |
| Hang in there. | Reassure |
| Please remember I’m here for you, not to intrude, but to support in whatever way you need me. | Comfort |
| I’m so sorry to hear that <name> is unwell. If there is anything I can do — even bake you guys a mean casserole — just let me know! | Illness – Partner |
| Wishing <name> warm and sunny wishes for a speedy recovery. | Illness – Partner |
| Hoping this finds you and <name> well on the way to a speedy recovery. | Illness – Partner |
| Hoping each new day will find <name> feeling better. | Illness – Partner |
| Hope he/she will soon be well. | Illness – Partner |
| Hope her/his hospital stay is a short one. | Illness – Partner |
| Wishing him/her a speedy recovery. | Illness – Partner |
| Just a cheery note to wish you and <name> well. | Illness – Partner |
| Sending you peaceful thoughts and warm wishes. | Illness – Partner |
| Thinking of you and hoping you’re feeling better soon | Illness – Partner |
| Thinking of you and <name> and I’m hoping he/she is feeling better. | Illness – Partner |
| I hope his/her illness will soon be only a memory. | Illness – Partner |
| Just a note to let you know how much I care. | Illness – Partner |
| Hope he/se will continue to feel better every day. | Illness – Partner |
| Hope he/she will be in the best of health again soon. | Illness – Partner |
| My thoughts are with you with love and caring. | Illness – Partner |
| Hoping he/she feels stronger with each passing day. | Illness – Partner |
| With love and special wishes that <name> will soon be feeling better. | Illness – Partner |
| Hope he/she is up and about soon. | Illness – Partner |
| I know this is hard and you’re not alone. If there is anything I can do to make life easier, better, or kinder to you, let me know and I’ll be happy to do it. | ReassureComfort |
| I can’t imagine how you must be feeling right now, but know that I’m here for anything and everything. | Comfort |
| It’s okay to be angry and it’s okay to be frustrated. | Acknowledgment |
| I’m so sorry you are experiencing this, I wish there was something I could do to make your life better – but until then I can at least be by your side in any way possible. | Comfort |
| May her/his recovery be swift and painless. | Illness – Partner |
| I’m thinking of you both. | Illness – Partner |
| Forgive yourself for not knowing better at the time. Forgive yourself for giving away your power. Forgive yourself for past mistakes. You did what you had to do to survive. You did the best you could do with the information you had at the time. | Divorce |
| You’re so strong. You left someone who did you wrong and it was someone you never that you’d leave. That’s incredibly brave – you looked beyond what you had, what you wanted and decided to chase what you needed. | Divorce |
| With time, you’ll see that the crazy, anxious person version of you was simply a kindhearted, tender person reacting to a very unkind situation. | Divorce |
| I know that you feel broken right now. But trust me, my friend, you are so strong. You’re holding yourself together and even though you think you will shatter at any moment, you don’t stop. You just heal. It may not be pretty or grateful, but fuck it, you keep going. | Divorce |
| Love is not how much pain you can tolerate from your partner. You made the right decision. | Divorce |
| You’re stuck in this miserable page in a crappy chapter, but baby, you have no idea that there is so much more to the book. You’ll realize that. Someday soon, I promise. | Divorce |
| With divorce comes renewal. With leaving comes arriving at a healthy place. With shedding the toxic comes a brilliant new glow and a slow but steady process of rediscovering yourself. You lose the one who caused you to walk on eggshells, the one who seemed annoyed every time you tried to talk about important things, the one who always acted as if you weren’t good enough. Yet, you were chosen by them because of your natural goodness. | Divorce |
| Divorce is okay. Starting over is okay. Moving on is okay. Saying no is okay. Being alone is okay. What’s not okay is staying somewhere where you aren’t happy, valued, or appreciated. | Divorce |