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How to tell someone you are angry

How to tell someone you are angry

“I’m upset right now and need a minute to calm down.”
“I love you, but I’m angry with you right now.”

See also

  • Checklist: Before you hit send
  • 🥊Official Guide for Fighting with Your Partner
  • 😵How to respond when you think someone is overreacting

Start Here

  • Don’t say, “I’m fine,” if you’re not.
  • If you’re mad, that’s okay. Anger is a perfectly acceptable emotion – it’s what you do with your feelings that matters.
  • If someone upset you and you need to tell them, use this guide.

Talking Points – I’m Mad

  • I’m mad.
  • I’m angry.
  • I’m upset.
  • I’m furious.
  • When you <behavior that upset you>, that made me feel <how it made you feel>.
  • I understand that you didn’t think it would be a big deal, but I need you to understand how I feel right now.
  • I love you, but I’m hurt by what happened.
  • I’m hurting, but I still love you.
  • I’m really upset by what happened and I want to talk to you about it.
  • <Name>, I think we need to clear the air. Will you let me know when you’re up for it?
  • What is your preferred location and time to have a much-needed, albeit tense, unpleasant, and emotional conversation?
  • Listen, I’m still really upset about what happened. It’s going to be okay, but I still want to resolve it with you. Can you talk?

Talking Points – I Need Space/Time to Think

  • Can we talk about this later after I’ve had time to gather my thoughts?
  • I don’t have the energy to respond to you right now. I will respond when I can.
  • I need space right now and will reach out when I’m ready.
  • I need to calm down before we continue this conversation.
  • Let’s continue this conversation when we’ve both had time to process.

Further Reading


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