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Say No
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How to accept a job offer
Thank you so much for this opportunity!I look forward to working with you and meeting the rest of the team.I’m excited to geek out with you guys on all the great work we can do. See also:
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How to ask for feedback
“To become more effective and fulfilled at work, people need a keen understanding of their impact on others and the extent to which they achieve their goals in their working relationships. Direct feedback is the most efficient way for them to gather this information and learn from it.”– Ed Batista “Criticism may not be agreeable, […]
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How to ask for participation in a survey
Talking Points Email – Encourage Customers to Participate (Personal Reach-out) 👋🏼 Dear <NAME>, I’m writing to encourage you to participate in our latest Customer Experience Survey. You received an invitation to participate in our survey on <DATE>, and it would mean the world to us if you took five minutes to provide your feedback. We […]
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How to disagree (respectfully) with your boss’s feedback
One of the hardest lessons to learn in life is not to automatically accept everyone’s feedback. People will always have opinions and unsolicited feedback to share with you. Even with all the best intentions in the world, someone can lack the context or expertise to give you good advice. You would be surprised how many […]
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How to give feedback
Use this guide whenever you need to give feedback to someone. The performance reviews list below is a great source of inspiration for highlighting performance and personality specifics. “Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots.” – Frank A. Clark Start Here See also: Talking Points Sources: […]
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How to thank someone for their time
“Thank you so much for your time earlier today.” “I know you’re extremely busy, and I truly appreciate you sharing your time and perspective with me.” “I am so grateful for your time.” Talking Points Name Tags Do you have to train to be so amazing? Because you are definitely the best friend anyone could […]
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How to thank someone for being there
Name Tags Multi-select Do you have to train to be so amazing? Because you are definitely the best friend anyone could ask for! Compliment Quirky Friend Have a drink on me. Quirky General How did I get so lucky? I’m so grateful you choose to be with me. Love Partner How did you become so […]
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How to thank someone for a service or kindness
Start Here Talking Points A Big Freaking List of “Thank You”s Name Tags Multi-select Do you have to train to be so amazing? Because you are definitely the best friend anyone could ask for! Compliment Quirky Friend Have a drink on me. Quirky General How did I get so lucky? I’m so grateful you choose […]
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How to thank someone for a recommendation
Always be sure to thank someone if they give you a recommendation. It’s an extremely lovely thing to do as they are putting their name and personal brand on the line for your benefit. All the risk is theirs, and all the benefit is yours. If you have any “home training” at all, you’ll remember […]
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How to thank someone for a donation
“Thank you for your generous gift.” “Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver.” — Barbara De Angelis Congratulations! You find yourself in the enviable position of thanking someone for giving you (or something you care about) money. That’s pretty […]
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How to thank someone
See also: “[He was aware] of the value of the word of praise dropped at exactly the right moment; and he would have thought himself extremely stupid to withhold what cost him so little and was productive of such desirable results.” ― Georgette Heyer, Sylvester“At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by […]
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Love
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How to say I love you (partner)
You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how. — Gone With The Wind by Margaret Mitchell You are my heart, my life, my one and only thought.— The White Company by Arthur Conan Doyle When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. […]
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How to confess your love
“I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone forever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even […]
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How to recommend someone you don’t like or respect
Use this messaging if you find yourself in a position where someone you don’t like/respect is asking you to give them a recommendation. You can also use this guide if someone asks you about someone you don’t like. Here’s how to navigate those tricky scenarios. Start Here YOU ARE NOT OBLIGATED TO GIVE ANYONE A […]
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How to recommend someone you don’t know
“I must refer you to himself for his character.” See also: Benjamin Franklin wrote the following recommendation from France for an acquaintance about to sail to America. Benjamin Franklin wrote the following recommendation from France for an acquaintance about to sail to America. Benjamin Franklin’s Letter of Recommendation Paris, April 2, 1777 Sir The Bearer […]
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How to make someone feel awkward about religion
From “Lifemanship: Or the Art of Getting Away With It Without Being An Absolute Plonk,” by Stephen Potter, 1950 Elsa: Are you coming to church with us?Moulton: Yes, why don’t you come to church for once, you old sinner? It is a little country church, and my host, Moulton, who has some claims to be […]
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How to make an ass of yourself
“But masters, remember that I am an ass: though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass.” — Dogberry in Much Ado About Nothing by William Shakespeare Start Here Talking Points Different ways to say “I’m an ass” Name It’s not my place but… I probably shouldn’t say anything but… […]
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How to talk like a Southerner
“Hey! I haven’t seen you in a month of Sundays! How have you been?”“Lord, child, if I told you how I’ve been you’d smack the undertaker for sending me back.”“Sounds like you haven’t been sure whether you should scratch your watch or wind your butt. Some things never change.”“I tell you what, the only things […]
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Stuck at home? I got you, boo
Are you stuck at home for any of the following reasons? Feel better. Take care. There there. Take cover. Do the right thing. Aim for the head. Keep warm. Rest up. Hang in there. Save up. Breathe. Whatever the reason for your confinement, dear heart, we’ve got you covered with this mega list of things […]
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How to announce you’re leaving a job
Start Here 📢 We ALLLL daydream about that Jerry Maguire moment when we finally get to tell our boss where to go, hop onto the nearest desk, and scream at your colleagues: “WHOSE WITH ME??!!” But back here in the real world, it’s never a good idea to leave on bad terms (no matter how […]
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How to resign
When to know it’s time to resign Letter Example 🖊️ Dear <Name>, Please accept this letter as formal notification that I am resigning from my position as <title> at <company>. My last day will be <date>. Thank you for the opportunities for growth that you have provided me. I wish you and the company all […]
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How to call in sick
Start Here Talking Points Excerpt from A Guide to Calling in Sick, US News: What Your Boss Is Allowed to Ask Your boss’s natural reaction may be to ask what is wrong, but you are under no obligation to provide details of your illness. Many times, employers ask partly out of concern for your well-being […]
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Official Guide for Fighting with Your Partner
See also Start Here Fighting Rules 💡 Pro-tip: Instead of saying, “you did x,” try “the story I’m telling myself is…” This is an effective way to avoid putting words and thoughts into your partner’s head. Further Reading
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How to turn down a request to do free work
Your Aunt Carletta: Would you mind writing my book for me since you do that for a living and you’re good at that kind of stuff?You: No. Start Here Talking Points
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How to turn down a date
“I’d rather be aware of the ugly truth than have somebody be with me out of pity.” — Reddit User on r/DatingAdvice“Every broken heart has screamed at one time or another: Why can’t you see who I truly am?” ― Shannon L. Alder“Better to put your heart on the line, risk everything, and walk away […]
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How to thank someone for a gift
Name Tags Multi-select Do you have to train to be so amazing? Because you are definitely the best friend anyone could ask for! ComplimentQuirky Friend Have a drink on me. Quirky General How did I get so lucky? I’m so grateful you choose to be with me. Love Partner How did you become so wise? […]
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How to tell someone you are angry
“I’m upset right now and need a minute to calm down.”“I love you, but I’m angry with you right now.” See also Start Here Talking Points – I’m Mad Talking Points – I Need Space/Time to Think Further Reading
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How to tell someone they will not be your Bridesmaid, Groomsman, Maid of Honor or Best Man
Start Here ⚠️ This interaction should be done in person for the best results. Talking Points Common reasons/explanations Someone Else to Fill the Role Small Wedding No Maid of Honor/Best Man/Bridesmaids She is Going to Be Pregnant and You Don’t Want Her Belly in Your Wedding Photos 🤰🏽Dude. Listen, you shouldn’t bring up her pregnancy. […]
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How to set boundaries with a partner
“You’ve got to tell the world how to treat you. If the world tells you how you are going to be treated, you are in trouble.” — James Baldwin See also Start Here Talking Points Boundary-Drawing Statements Name Tags <X> is a strong boundary that I’m not comfortable crossing, but <Y> is is something I […]
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How to respond to gaslighting
“Maybe that’s what you heard in your head, but it’s not what I said.”“You’re too sensitive.”“It’s not a big deal.” See also Start Here What does gaslighting feel like? (Source: The Psychology Group) What does gaslighting sound like? (Source: The Psychology Group) Talking Points Further Reading
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How to request an interview
Follow-Up Email to a Contact
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How to reject a customer’s feature request
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How to give someone a backhanded compliment
Backhanded Compliment – A compliment that implies it is not really a compliment at all. See also: Backhanded compliments sources: The Typeset A List of Backhanded Compliments Backhanded Compliment You look so much nicer than usual! You look comfortable. Oh what a lovely sweater. My grandma has one just like it. You’re so lucky you’re […]
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How to encourage someone to answer your question instead of saying, “I don’t know”
There are times in confrontations and confessions when the other person is unwilling to acknowledge an obvious truth. Some things are hard to say aloud. These talking points are not designed to interrogate or manipulate, they are designed to create a safe environment for everyone to be able to accept and be their full selves […]
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How to decline a request for money
“Can you loan me a hundred bucks?”“I’m really struggling financially. You’ve always been there for me. Can you give me enough to cover my rent?”“Is there any way you could spot me some cash? I don’t need much.”“My kid only needs a few more orders for her scout competition…” Very few things in life are […]
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How to complain to your waiter
“I’m afraid to tell you…”“I know this isn’t your fault, but…”“I’m sorry to say this but I was not satisfied with the veal. It was undercooked.” See also: Start Here Talking Points Further Reading
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How to call someone out respectfully
Start Here See also: Talking Points I wanted to take the time to reply to your email thoughtfully and with care as I know your heart and intentions are good. Many wonderful friends have loved me enough to coach me on tricky topics (like <topic>) so that I can see new perspectives and represent myself […]
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How to break up with your friend
See also Start Here Talking Points Further Reading I recommend reading Dr. Falconer’s book on this topic. I don’t agree with everything she suggests, but I think she covers many essential points for anyone who finds themselves in this situation: How to Break Up with Your Friends: Finding Meaning, Connection, and Boundaries in Modern Friendships […]
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How to break up with someone
Example Breakup Text – Before it’s Serious Example Breakup Text – Before it’s Serious Breakup After it Got Serious Further Reading
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How to ask your partner for couple’s therapy
“Behind every great relationship are difficult and uncomfortable conversations we rarely get to see. Great relationships don’t just fall into our laps. They require people to move through their fears and insecurities and do the hard work to move wounds into healing.” — Vienna Pharaon, licensed Marriage and Family Therapist See also Start Here Talking […]
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How to ask someone to stop talking about politics or religion around you
Countless holidays and relationships have been ruined over disregarded boundaries and the inability to express what we all want at the end of the day: harmony. See also Start Here Talking Points Further Reading
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How to ask someone about suspicious behavior without accusing them of it
See also Start Here Talking Points
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How to ask for the return of an object (loaned)
See also Talking Points
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How to ask for the return of an object (intentionally taken)
👉 Tips: Talking Points Further Reading
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How to ask for space
Start Here Talking Points Further Reading
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How to ask for a divorce
“This isn’t working for me anymore.”“I’m unhappy.”“It’s time we fight for our happiness.” Start Here Talking Points What to Discuss After the Initial Divorce Conversation After initially speaking with your spouse, you should plan on later discussing: Source: Love to Know Further Reading
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Comfort
A Big Freaking List of Comforting Statements Name Tags I see how upset you are, and I’m sorry to see you struggle. Acknowledgment You have every right to feel the way you do. Acknowledgment I can’t imagine how you must feel. Acknowledgment It’s okay to be sad. Acknowledgment Everything you feel is totally understandable. Acknowledgment […]
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How to respond when you think someone is overreacting
“Help me understand…” Start Here Talking Points Further Reading
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How to offer comfort/give sympathy
Acknowledgment is the essential step in giving comfort. Here’s a Golden Rule of communications: “They won’t care about what you know until they know you care.” Start Here ⚠️ Important note: The FIRST step in comforting someone is listening. After letting them share their perspective, then you acknowledge their pain. Talking Points A Big Freaking […]
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How to give sympathy for the loss of a pet
“Not the least hard thing to bear when they go from us, these quiet friends, is that they carry away with them so many years of our own lives.” – John Galsworthy Start Here Talking Points Further Reading
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How to give sympathy for the loss of a partner
I’m so sorry that you and your loved one have been parted. Start Here Talking Points Further Reading
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How to give sympathy for the loss of a parent
“The death of any loved parent is an incalcuable lasting blow because no one ever loves you again like that.” — Brenda Ueland “If there is any immortality to be had among us human beings, it is certainly only in the love that we leave behind. Fathers like mine don’t ever die.” — Leo Buscaglia […]
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How to give sympathy for the loss of a loved one
“Those we love never truly leave us. There are things death cannot touch.” — Jack Thorne Start Here Talking Points Further Reading
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How to give sympathy for the illness of a loved one
“I’m so sorry to hear that Stacy is unwell. If there is anything I can do — even bake you guys a mean casserole — just let me know! Start Here Talking Points A Big Freaking List of Comforting Statements Name Tags I’m so sorry to hear that <name> is unwell. If there is anything […]
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How to give sympathy for the loss of a child
“Grief is love with no place to go” ― Karen Gibbs, A Gallery of Scrapbook Creations Start Here Talking Points Further Reading
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How to give sympathy for an illness
“One of the most important things you can do on this earth is to let people know they are not alone.” ― Shannon L. Alder Start Here Showing Compassion and Empathy for the Unwell Excerpt from “How You Can Support Someone with a Chronic Illness” by Creaky Joints. Compassion is not: Telling people to try turmeric, […]
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How to give sympathy for a lost opportunity or job
“Ah, but a man’s reach should exceed his grasp, Or what’s a heaven for?” — Robert Browning Start Here A Big Freaking List of Comforting Statements Name I see how upset you are, and I’m sorry to see you struggle. You have every right to feel the way you do. I can’t imagine how you […]
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How to give a funeral eulogy
Start Here 💬 When my grandmother died, the eulogy I remember most: “She made every person in the room smile just by walking into it.” True. She really did. Therefore the most important element in a eulogy should be truth. We’re all human, we all have less than shiny parts, but the grieving aren’t interested […]
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How to deliver bad news
“I have something to say that may be difficult to hear.” Start Here Understanding the Brain Chemistry Behind High Emotion Crisis and high stress changes our brain chemistry. Before even attempting to talk with upset people, you need to have a basic understanding of how our brains react to stress. Talking Points Further Reading
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How to announce a new job
See also: Start Here Before you make any announcements, be absolutely sure you’ve done two things: Where to announce a new job LinkedIn Messages Going to a new company I’m delighted to announce that I have accepted a new position as <title> with <@new company>! I have truly enjoyed my time and opportunities for growth […]
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How to congratulate an employee on an award
Letter to Employee
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How to congratulate someone on a big achievement
“Any job very well done that has been carried out by a person who is fully dedicated is always a source of inspiration.” — Carlos Ghosn Talking Points Source: Simply Noted, Readerzilla 👏 A Big Freaking List of Congratulations Name Tags I’m so proud of you! You’ve worked so hard and you deserve every bit […]
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How to congratulate someone on a marriage
“My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.” – Winston Churchill“May this marriage be full of laughter, our every day in paradise.” – Rumi Talking Points Source: Simply Noted, Readerzilla 👏 A Big Freaking List of Congratulations Name Tags I’m so proud of you! You’ve worked […]
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How to congratulate someone on a new baby
“Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you’ve got a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies-“God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.” – Kurt Vonnegut Talking Points Source: Simply Noted, […]
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How to congratulate someone on a new job
“When opportunity presents itself, don’t be afraid to go after it.” —Eddie Kennison “Whatever you are, be a good one.” — Abraham Lincoln Talking Points Source: Simply Noted, Readerzilla 👏A Big Freaking List of Congratulations Name Tags I’m so proud of you! You’ve worked so hard and you deserve every bit of this success. GeneralNew […]
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How to congratulate someone on a promotion
👏A Big Freaking List of Congratulations Name Tags I’m so proud of you! You’ve worked so hard and you deserve every bit of this success. GeneralNew JobAchievement I’ve always known you were capable of great things. Congratulations on making it happen! AchievementNew JobPromotion You did it! I knew you could. Congrats and best of luck […]
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How to congratulate someone on a wedding anniversary
“To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow – this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.” — Elizabeth Gilbert, Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage Start Here Talking Points Further Reading
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How to congratulate someone on graduating
“Oh, the places you’ll go…” — Dr. Seuss Talking Points 👏A Big Freaking List of Congratulations Name Tags I’m so proud of you! You’ve worked so hard and you deserve every bit of this success. GeneralNew JobAchievement I’ve always known you were capable of great things. Congratulations on making it happen! AchievementNew JobPromotion You did […]
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How to congratulate someone on successfully paying off a loan
Congratulations! I know how hard you worked for this. I hope you have some fun plans for your new financial future; you’ve certainly earned it. 👏 A Big Freaking List of Congratulations Name Tags I’m so proud of you! You’ve worked so hard and you deserve every bit of this success. GeneralNew JobAchievement I’ve always […]
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How to give a compliment
Mentor: You have lovely handwriting! You could be a professional calligraphist.Student: This chicken scratch? No one would ever want me.Mentor: All I can do is give you the flowers – it’s up to you to water them or not. Start Here Further Reading The Big Freaking List of Compliments Compliments sources: Very Well Mind, Think […]
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How to give a recommendation
Start Here Talking Points Example Recommendations Not only is <Name> an expert in her field, but she’s also an amazing communicator, creative and problem solver. She excels at managing stakeholders, hard-to-navigate situations, and driving difficult projects to completion. <Name> is also well versed in leading D&I initiatives and building amazing relationships with diverse groups of […]
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Answer Will You
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How to respond to lies
Start Here Talking Points
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How to say you’re not ready to move forward after an apology
Start Here Talking Points Further Reading
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How to say no
👎🏽A Big List of No Name No, but thank you. No thanks. It was delicious, but I’ve already eaten too much. Not now but another time. Maybe we can go on Saturday? I’d like to but I have to work late this evening. I wish I could but, unfortunately, I already have plans that night. Nope. I don’t […]
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How to respond when you think someone is overreacting
“Help me understand…” Start Here Talking Points Further Reading
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How to set boundaries
“Boundaries are the edge territory of what belongs to us and what belongs to someone else. They are the ways we communicate our needs. They are what allow us to feel safe among strangers, in everyday interactions, and in our closest relationships.” “Boundaries aren’t just the hard nos, they are also the maybes and the […]
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How to redirect the conversation (bridging)
Bridging is a technique used to nudge a conversation away from a negative or unanswerable question to a more positively framed answer or message. Note: This is not used to avoid answering questions that should be answered. Bridging should be used to help ‘cool down’ a tense conversation. Bridging Templates
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How to respond to nosy or inappropriate questions
Q: “Are you still married?”A: “Are you still alive?” Start Here Talking Points Responding to Nosy Bastards Situation Answers Keywords General Nosiness Oh you! You know that I can’t talk about that! General General Nosiness I could tell you but I’d have to kill you. GeneralSmart Ass General Nosiness I’m discreet and loyal, which is […]
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How to answer impossible questions from kids
“Why doesn’t Spiderman shoot webs out of his butt like a real spider?” “Go ask your mother…” See also: Start Here Great books for curious minds Talking Points In reply to an impossible question “That’s a great question, and I’m going to leave that one to you to answer. Some of the best things you’ll […]
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How to answer a question you will never know the answer to
“Science is a finite sphere that grows in infinite space; each new expansion makes it include a larger zone of the unknown, but the unknown is inexhaustible.”― Jorge Luis Borges “Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.”― Voltaire “I would rather have questions that can’t be answered than answers that can’t […]
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Apologize
😔Big List of Apologetic Statements Name Tags So I can understand the full extent of the issue/problem, could you please tell me a little more? Listen to Understand I want to make sure that I really have an understanding of what you’re telling me. I’m hearing that… Listen to Understand Thank you for alerting us […]
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How to talk to an angry customer or client
Important note: Taking responsibility for our mistakes is core to any healthy culture. It’s important to walk the balance between being transparent about mistakes and safeguarding the company from legal liability. An apology (even a verbal one) is effectively admitting liability, and if, for example, it is a severe issue that ends up in court, […]
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How to apologize for a delayed reply
“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing sound they make as they go by.” – Groucho Marx Talking Points
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How to follow up with a customer who gave you a low survey score or bad review
Do Don’t – Listen to understand first – Prepare for the call – Have a plan to make it right with the customer (see below for options) – Apologize if deserved – Explain why you’re following up with them – Set expectations (what will they get from the call) – Use their time wisely – […]
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How to apologize for the inability to do something
“As much as I would like to help you, I’m not in a position to offer you any assistance.” “I’m sorry, <Name> I’d love to help out, but my calendar is booked that day.” “Thank you for thinking of me for this project. Unfortunately, my team and I are at capacity and wouldn’t be able […]
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How to apologize for a damaged product
See also: Start Here Talking Points 😔Big List of Apologetic Statements Name Tags So I can understand the full extent of the issue/problem, could you please tell me a little more? Listen to Understand I want to make sure that I really have an understanding of what you’re telling me. I’m hearing that… Listen to […]
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How to apologize for poor service
“We take pride in our high standards of service and we know that we did not meet your – or our own – expectations.” See also: Start Here Talking Points 😔Big List of Apologetic Statements Name Tags So I can understand the full extent of the issue/problem, could you please tell me a little more? […]
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How to apologize for something outside of your control
See also: Start Here Talking Points Example Scenario Messaging The COVID Pandemic has led to global inventory constraints. An example of how this has affected the company is difficulty receiving certain types of raw materials. A customer has called angry about the delay to his order as a result of this plastic shortage. He wants […]
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Things you need to stop apologizing for
“I’m sorry for breathing.”“I’m sorry for eating yogurt during this meeting.”“I’m sorry that I thought it was okay to express my opinion.” See also: Start Here Things You Need to Stop Apologizing For Name Standing up for yourself. Having feelings. Taking up space. Having an opinion. Having strong opinions. Disagreeing with someone. Doing what’s best […]
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How to apologize for the inability to pay
“My deepest apologies, but I am unable to pay you by the due date.” “Is there a way you can work with me on extending the deadline?” “I can pay $X now and the rest by <date>.” See also: Start Here Talking Points Further Reading
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How to apologize for the delayed return of a borrowed item
“I’m sorry for not getting your <item> back to you sooner.” See also: Start Here Talking Points
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How to apologize for being late
“I’m so sorry I’m late! My other appointments ran long and I couldn’t get away.” See also: Start Here Talking Points
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How to apologize for a missed appointment
“I’m so sorry that I missed our appointment. I had saved it incorrectly in my calendar. I know that’s no excuse, but I hope you understand that it was completely unintentional and truly appreciate and respect your time.” See also: Start Here Talking Points
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How to apologize for a late payment
“I’m so sorry for not getting my payment in by the deadline.” See also: How to apologize for the inability to pay Start Here Talking Points
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About Talking Points for Life
“It’s not what you say, it’s what they hear.” – Frank Luntz Talking Points for Life (TPfL) is the passion project of its Editors. Too many people are left wandering through Reddit threads and Quora posts looking for advice on what to say. TPfL is designed to be a one-stop shop for ready-to-use messages for […]
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Buy Us a Tea
☕ Go Ahead, Make Our Day! Talking Points for Life (TPfL) is our passion project. We operate this site at a financial loss because we want to make sure this information is available to anyone who needs it. If you like what you see and you’d like to help us keep this good thing going, […]
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Your Feedback Matters!
Suggestion Box Have a suggestion on how we can make Talking Points for Life even better? Just drop a note in our virtual suggestion box below. Thank you for sharing your feedback! See also
